I'm sarcastic, enjoy word play, and an amateur photographer. Constructive criticism is always welcome.


"But women get unfair advantages in custody battles"


FALSE. Fathers who ask for sole custody are far more likely to get it. It’s just that they don’t ask, mostly women do. Men win custody over women even if they are ostensibly unfit. More and more, judges and parents rule in favor of 50/50 custody. In fact, in the past ten years, the men’s rights movement has been devastating to women seeking custody in court and women are awarded sole custody about half as many times as men.  

So find a new fucking myth. 

Handaxe’s post is completely and patently untrue.  Her links go to an 18 year old opinion article written by an abused woman, a 24 year old law review from MA (doesn’t pertain to any other state and very out-of-date), a 28 year old article posted by a hardcore feminist, and a link to a software company that sells child custody software.  So a collection of outdated articles written by people with a clear motive for bias.  Handaxe is like most radicals: shouting into the echo chamber because that’s more important than truth.

So what are the facts?

Fact: Women are more likely to physically abuse their partner than men are.  My source is a report published in 2012 that analyzed the available scientific literature. (The Partner Abuse State of Abuse Project - Prevalence of Physical Violence in Intimate Relationships: Part 2. Rates of Male and Female Perpetration)

Fact: Women are treated more leniently by police officers, prosecutors, and juries.  (The Partner Abuse State of Abuse Project - Prevalence of Physical Violence in Intimate Relationships: Part 12 Gender and Racial/Ethnic Differences in Criminal Justice Decision Making in Intimate Partner Violence Cases )

Fact: Child custody laws are defined by each state and implemented at the country level.  So in 1990 joint custody maybe was common in MA, but who knows what the rest of the country was doing.  It’s also possible to have joint custody, but grant primary residency to one parent with child support affected by the % of time spent with each parent.

Quite frankly I don’t have the energy to research this much further to find scientific citations, but what I’m told by 3 lawyer friends in 2 different states is that

  • More and more states mandate joint custody unless there’s an overriding reason to do otherwise.
  • Women are more likely to be granted primary residency of young children.
  • Everything is up to the judge. Some judges are pro-father, some are pro-mother, some have a chip to grind, and some are very fair.
  • More and more counties are mandating that mediation be tried first. The feeling is that these are inherently more fair, cost less, are faster, and leave the courts free to deal with more serious issues - like accusations of child abuse/endangerment.
  • The courts generally see parents that fight over custody EXTREMELY unfavorably.
  • One lawyer friend went so far as to say that judges generally don’t give a shit about the parents. Once a custody battle starts both parents have proven they’re too immature to put the welfare of the child/children first.

Which gets me to my last (opinionated) FACT: Child custody is about the child you fucking piece of shit. Both my parents divorced and fought in the courts for years.  I testified in court to protect my little brother from both of his parents that were fighting for sole custody. My step-father used to punch me in the face and beat me.  When a therapist found out he told my mom he had to call the police and she begged him not to.  When I told my father he told me to hang in there.  And when child services arrived they left me in that house where I was beaten for telling what happened. Child custody isn’t some fucking feminist issue. It’s a child welfare issue.  A man and a woman perpetrated violence on me and you dare to defend her simply because she’s a woman? She was a mother and every mother that uses feminism or patriarchy as an excuse for why they didn’t protect their children are pieces of shit.  I don’t give 2 fucks for the men’s rights movement or feminists, but unlike you I do care about kids.  One thing has driven me in life - I will NEVER do to my kids what my parents did to me. Patriarchy didn’t abuse me - a man did.  Feminism wasn’t the solution - a woman pleaded to spare an asshole that was beating her child.  So sincerely and truly - FUCK YOU, HANDAXE.


I have not spent nearly enough time behind the lens this year.  This must change.